99 stalks
It’s been a long time since i bought flowers. I used to company pa to the market for sunday lunch whereby he’ll always buy a large bouquet of orchids to place next to our statue of Mother Mary, and me, some sunflowers to place in my room. They never failed to cheer me up, seeing the pretty yellow against the white wall.
Recently, I bought 3 stalks of gerbera in an attempt to uplift my dull spirits. I washed the usual beer glass and arranged them tenderly in the ‘vase’. But, they look pathetic in the huge ‘vase’. I got even more depressed.
For once, i wish for 99 stalks of sunflowers to make my day.
postsecrets of you and me
Viewing the latest video made painstakingly by postsecret tore a tear. Months ago, I harboured the secret hope of hand designing a postsecret in memory of dad when we first lost him, but the mind is always weak. Unknown fear of once again breakdown delays the flight. The days turn to months, the months turn to years.
How many do not have unknown secrets? Silently, we wish to be heard, to be understood, to be empathised. Disappointingly, we leave with a bitter taste in our mouth, hearts crushed, eyes brimming with unshed tears.
Misery loves companionship, bonds tighten virtually with every read step of failure. The undefined unified urge towards suicidal tendencies. The many camouflage we don to shield the abjectness we face. Admittedly, like many, flashing thoughts of suicide tantalisingly flashed through my mind in the darkest hours. But the difference lies in whether there is a shining hope out there to pull you out, and i was lucky there were. Reminiscence of the dusty past creeps back like a haunted ghost with similarities. Thats how i feel with every secret i read, the warming heart and silent nodding concensus.
Maybe one day, i’ll get to see my secret posted afterall.
