It’s been a long time since i bought flowers. I used to company pa to the market for sunday lunch whereby he’ll always buy a large bouquet of orchids to place next to our statue of Mother Mary, and me, some sunflowers to place in my room. They never failed to cheer me up, seeing the pretty yellow against the white wall.

Recently, I bought 3 stalks of gerbera in an attempt to uplift my dull spirits. I washed the usual beer glass and arranged them tenderly in the ‘vase’. But, they look pathetic in the huge ‘vase’. I got even more depressed.

For once, i wish for 99 stalks of sunflowers to make my day.

Viewing the latest video made painstakingly by postsecret tore a tear. Months ago, I harboured the secret hope of hand designing a postsecret in memory of dad when we first lost him, but the mind is always weak. Unknown fear of once again breakdown delays the flight. The days turn to months, the months turn to years.

How many do not have unknown secrets? Silently, we wish to be heard, to be understood, to be empathised. Disappointingly, we leave with a bitter taste in our mouth, hearts crushed, eyes brimming with unshed tears.

Misery loves companionship, bonds tighten virtually with every read step of failure. The undefined unified urge towards suicidal tendencies. The many camouflage we don to shield the abjectness we face. Admittedly, like many, flashing thoughts of suicide tantalisingly flashed through my mind in the darkest hours. But the difference lies in whether there is a shining hope out there to pull you out, and i was lucky there were. Reminiscence of the dusty past creeps back like a haunted ghost with similarities. Thats how i feel with every secret i read, the warming heart and silent nodding concensus.

Maybe one day, i’ll get to see my secret posted afterall.

It’s been many months since i last saw the rotund cat feeder. She seems to have lost some weight, as the waist-pouch which used to sit overly snugly round her hips, now sits loosely. And her face seems more sallow and worn-out, as the cats eagerly gather round her, waiting in hope for her generous giveouts.

An impromptu hike, an ungodly awakening hour, slices of different nationalities creating an unimaginable bond which isn’t rope-binding, but if given the chance, will see new friendship heights.

The office is moving to the industrial area of Bukit Merah due to a lack of space along the busy Raffles Place. I could not stifle a groan upon the devastating news, as future lunch appointments with the gang will be greatly diminished. Sam drove me along the streets one evening and the only consolation i had was the near vicinity of Ikea, which means i’ll most probabably end up stocking my house with much more useless charms from the swedish store.

He said some strange words to me during our last meeting before his flight for Japan which caught me pondering. True be told, as what someone said in the past, ’i do not know if i like this person and i do not want to delve into it, as i may not like what i discover”. Maybe its all for the better if we just do not ponder and let it float by.

And now that i am here, once again, i can find no words to describe my existence.

Right now, however, i am nursing a very bad throat and flu.

Sometimes i wonder, what lies ahead.

My portfolio is now boosted, I am very much involved in conceptualising local and festive promotions and having to deal with the managers of 13 local chain of outlets. Con is, working in the F&B industry creates many hair-pulling fustrations as the greed of human beings are shined. There are many cases of minor complaints by ratty beings who tried to bluff their way through a free meal. Perhaps it have been culturally inbreed in us that by being an unreasonable customer, they would get what they want. There are many incidents of complaints, some pretty amusing, others plain stupid, and the rest, totally unreasonable.

Weekends are now very much precious as i strive to throw work away and fully immerse myself into the throes of fun. It hasn’t been easy as boss still calls me over the weekends on work. But so far, i love my path now.